June 27, 2010...One week old!

I can't believe a week has gone by. It has been very Crazy. I had a dream last night. There was a rainbow and you were there. Not sure what that means, but I know it's good. Today you were sucking on your vent. tube. You moved your arms and legs alot. Tomorrow is a new scan on your head. The doctors tell us it's serious, but they don't know mommy very well. I am reading the Atlas of Neonatal Sonography so I can be up to speed on this stuff. They are very smart, but I feel like God has a different plan. You got off the billiboat today and you got your comfy gel pillow too.We pray that the ventricles are smaller and clearer.

June 26, 2010

Today was a good day for you. All vital signs were stable and you look better and better everyday. We are hoping you can get off the oscillator vent. so we can turn your head and get some movement going. I was thinking today how I always felt you that you would come early....just didn't think it would be this early.

June 25, 2010

You are about the same today with no internal changes. I think you are looking a little fuller. I wonder about bringng you home. I keep thinking about a Halloween costume for you.....it's my favorite time of year. Daddy said that you will have 2 birthday parties every year...June 20 (the day you came) and the other will be whatever day you come home.

June 24, 2010

You were moving around a little today. Mommy and daddy got to touch your hand (they are long!). You look a little better on the outside with each passing day, but we are very worried about that sweet little head. The nurse said your head decreased in size a little which is good. we can't touch you too much because it will increase your blood pressure and that could effect your brain bleed, so we wait patiently and watch you get stronger.

June 23, 2010

Very rough day. A pneumothorax in your right lung had me very upset, but you recovered well and never had any distress. The PDA in your heart has closed which is good. I finally saw that beautiful face and you look just like daddy when he is asleep. Wecontinue to pray for the best outcome.

June 22, 2010

Today I am begining my quest to pump breast milk. I realize how important this will be for you in the future. Your bruises are begining to go away and they took out your catheter. We learned to day that you have a grade III brain bleed on your left and a grade IV on your right. This is not good they tell us, but mom and dad have studied this information and are praying about this. We feel it is in God's hands and we will wait and see. I think God told me to be patient because he has an awesome plan for you, me and daddy.Mommy has always had a hard time with patience, so I know God is touching me because I am being patient.

June 21, 2010

I briefly saw Cruz the day he was born. I was on medication and really don't remember alot, but I awoke Monday and thought everything was o.k. Chris explained to me that he was critical but alive. He took me to the NICU to see him and that was when I realized just how serious it was. So many wires, meds, and a very tiny bruised baby. I was at a loss. I was trying to understand what was happening and process all of the information. Monday was still fuzzy...so many visitors and I was tired,hurting and stressed. As soon as I saw Cruz I noticed he had his daddy's leggs, lips and hair. I could not see his face because he had to wear a mask to protect his eyes fro the billi light. In spite of it all you did smile.

Sunday, June 20, 2010....Father's Day

Well, I will give you an overview of the events leading up to this day. Chris and I found out were were expecting in January and were a little suprised because we really didn't think we would be able to concieve so easily due to the fact that I am 37. Turns out it wasn't that hard. We were excited but nervous because of all the risks that go along with a pregnancy after age 35. We thought it would be good to keep it quiet until we got past 12 weeks. At 10 weeks I began to bleed and thought the worst. I went to the Dr. and they said I had a subchorionic hemmorage and it will resolve itself ...or not. The baby was fine and the bleed resolved after about 2 weeks. What I didn't know at the time is that women with this type of problem are at risk for developing chorioamnionitis (I did) and preterm labor (I did)or stillbirth. So, off and on throughout my short pregnancy I felt bad and just blamed it on being a little older and being very busy all the time. Finally, on Saturday, June 19, 2010 I began to feel a little more tired than usual and laid on the couch most of the evening. My back hurt. When I went to bed my back still hurt and I awoke in the middle of the night with chills and sweats. I thought, "Well, I am getting sick." Sunday morning I still felt bad and I told Chris that I was sick. He took my temp.....100.5. I laid on the couch as he called the Dr. and tried to feed our other children. Just after he spoke to the Dr. very hard contractions started up suddenly. I managed to get to the bathroom where I discovered a little blood. Then everything just happened so fast. We headed to the hospital and when we got there I was in hard labor. They tried to stop it with drugs, but the baby was coming ( the infection was what caused the labor). Vaginal delivery was attempted , but then the baby's hand got in the way and we had to do an emergency c-section. Very scary for me. After a few minutes the baby was out and off to the NICU he went. At the time I had no idea how serious it was for him.